These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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