I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
