since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
