hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
