I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
