he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
