Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
