You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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