dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
