Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
