Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
