I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
