So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
