soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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