she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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