She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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