can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
