My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
