It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
