that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So much rum. So many feels.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
