he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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