my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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