I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
