Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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