i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
