Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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