can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
