I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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