Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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