That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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