ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
