She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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