How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
