If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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