I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
