One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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