Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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