some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
