I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
