I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
