Im at strip club and am horny
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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