I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i will never coherently bang her
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
