Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
