Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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