is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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