I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
