Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
