Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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