With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
