im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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