So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
