Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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